Relationships fail often.
It’s a fact of life.
You’d be hard-pressed to find two people who were each
other’s first love and they loved each other until death.
That’s the stuff you find in many viral news stories.
And the reason these stories of perfect couples become so
popular is because it’s what so many people aspire to be.
The problem, though, is that some people learn that their
relationships are headed for failure, and they learn it the
So if you’re aiming for a relationship that’s practically fail-
proof, you’d have to know some of the reasons why so
many relationships end badly.
14 common reasons why relationships fail so often
Take note that the failure of a relationship can be attributed
to one or a combination of the following factors.
So if you find that your relationship is facing these
problems, it may be best to try and work it out so it
doesn’t ruin the hard work you’ve put into your
#1 Relying on your partner for your happiness. This is
common among people who have either low self-esteem or
have very few good things going on in their life. The
problem with this is that it may put too much pressure on
your partner. How? It will always feel like your partner
has such a huge role in your life, and that without him/her,
you’d be a miserable heap of tears. This kind of
dependence is not healthy in any kind of relationship!
#2 Not standing up for yourself. There may be times
when you forego your own desires so you can make your
partner happy. This is called a sacrifice.
But if you keep doing this and your partner learns that they
can easily ignore your wants, you’ll start to feel your
sacrifice taking its toll on you. One day, you might wake
up and feel so used that you end up snapping and breaking
up with your partner.
#3 Too much dominance. This is the opposite of
sacrificing too much. Instead, you expect your partner to
be at your beck and call, or else, they will be sorry! Instead
of fostering a relationship based on love and trust, you’re
instilling fear into your partner.
What this does is force your partner to be miserable and
helpless or it can lead them to lie, sneak around or even
find someone else’s shoulder or bed just to avoid your
wrath and their misery.
#4 There’s too much jealousy going on. If you’re the
one who’s jealous, you’re probably always going to be
snooping around to check if your partner is faithful to you.
Just one instance of you seeing them chatting with
someone whom you consider a threat, and you’ll unleash a
barrage of accusations.
On the other hand, if your partner is the jealous one, you
may find yourself sacrificing your happiness just so you
don’t get hit with the barrage of accusations.
#5 Selfishness. Selfishness in both of you will lead to a
tug-of-war for who gets the final say in things. You can’t
always get what you want, and neither can your partner. If
neither of you are willing to compromise to make your
relationship work, then you can both find someone who’ll
be more accommodating to your every want and need.
Good luck with that!
#6 Nitpicking each other’s faults. Honesty matters in a
relationship. But being too blunt about your partner’s
faults all the time may make them feel they’re always
under your constant scrutiny. Not only will you slowly
pick at their self-esteem, but you might also push them
towards the arms of someone who’s much more accepting
of their faults.
#7 Lack of time. Even if you both have a busy lifestyle,
you still need to set aside time for each other just to keep
the relationship going. A five-minute phone call or a text
exchange may be enough to let you work through a time
when you’re too busy for anything.
If you don’t spare even a few minutes for your partner,
neglect starts and that will definitely eat away at your
#8 Lack of effort. So maybe you have tons of time to
spend with each other, it should be no problem, right?
Wrong. In fact, if you have lots of time, but very little
quality time, this can lead both of you to take each other’s
presence for granted. The effort here is to make each date
together count through little sweet gestures or bringing
something new to the conversation, whatever both of you
Exerting a little something extra from time to time shows
your partner that you would still go the extra mile, no
matter how long you’ve been dating. In not doing this,
you’ll slowly make your relationship more mundane until
you just give up.
#9 Physical distance. There’s nothing wrong with having
a long distance relationship. In fact, some relationships are
tested and made stronger by the physical distance.
However, the distance can bring about problems such as a
lack of time for each other or lack of physical intimacy.
Unless you make an effort so you can finally be in the
same zip code, these relationships usually break under the
#10 Emotional distance. When you’re emotionally
incompatible *i.e., one of you is more open while the other
is withdrawn*, this can lead to a lot of unmet emotional
needs. While two people are never 100% on the same
page, it’s important to at least be on a somewhat similar
level of emotional availability.
If one of you is aloof and the other is needy, then this
imbalance can cause friction and resentment in the one
who’s exerting more effort to feel more loved in return.
#11 Little lies that build up. A couple of white lies at the
start of your relationship can be common. Of course, you
want to put your best foot forward. But it’s also important
to eventually come clean or at least try to prevent the lies in
the first place.
When these lies build up, it might spiral into a web of lies
that you can no longer get out of. It’ll be a huge form of
deception, even if it all just started from one little white lie.
#12 Different goals. When you get deeper into a
relationship, you may find out that you and your partner
may have different goals for the future. One of you may
want to focus on your career, while the other would like to
start a family soon. This can lead to conflict when it comes
to making big decisions in your life. If left without
compromise, the rift in your desires may end up causing a
rift between the two of you.
#13 Emotional baggage. It goes without saying that
baggage will always affect your relationship. Unless you
learn to deal with it in a healthy way, it will manifest itself
in your relationship from time to time. In addition to this,
the fact that your partner can’t help you deal with your
baggage can lead them to see their own inadequacy, and
may then affect how they acts towards you.
#14 Lack of positive support from friends or family.
You’re not in a relationship with your partner’s friends
and family. But they are somewhat responsible for who
your partner is. Whenever you have a fight, it’s easy for
either of you to run to your respective loved ones *friends
and family* to bitch about what happened.
However, if they’re not supportive of your relationship,
they can end up giving love advice that ends with “just
break up!” And you, in your state of vulnerability, might
end up agreeing with them.
You may notice that big issues like infidelity and abuse
have been left out of the reasons. This is because those
reasons are a fairly obvious cause for a failed relationship.
The common reasons mentioned here are the little reasons
that many may not notice up until it becomes unbearable.
But they can build up and cause conflicts that will cause
your entire relationship to unravel, even before either of
you notice it!
So be on the lookout for these 14 common reasons
why relationships fail, and try to work on them. And
if you don’t, you’re just setting your relationship up
Sam Adewale Aluko