Occasionally I walk around in the metropolitan city of Lagos and I come across people, every day. some happy people, who despite the strenuous ways of making a living are fulfilled; some unhappy, despite calling the shots and ordering workers around; some frustrated, not knowing where the next meal will come from or even get a menial job to support dependent family members.
Frustrations can be quite uneasy to handle as it is a common emotional response to the opposition, it arises from the perceived resistance to the fulfilment of individual will. The greater the obstruction, and the greater the will, the more the frustration is likely to be. Causes of frustration may be internal or external. In people, internal frustration may arise from challenges in fulfilling personal goals and desires, instinctual drives and needs, or dealing with perceived deficiencies, such as a lack of confidence or fear of social situations. Conflict can also be an internal source of frustration; when one has competing goals that interfere with one another, it can create cognitive dissonance. External causes of frustration involve conditions outside an individual, such as a blocked road or a difficult task. While coping with frustration, some individuals may engage in passive–aggressive behaviour, making it difficult to identify the original cause(s) of their frustration, as the responses are indirect. A more direct, and common response, is a propensity towards inhaling stimulants and aggression.
How then can we handle frustration in this part of the world? In other words, how can you control your feelings before it controls you?
- In this fast paced world, take it slow, stop and evaluate yourself: A simple trick to properly handle your frustration is to sincerely record the main causes of your feelings; write it down and be specific. Then think of the positives you can derive from the negativity. Think of every delay as an opportunity to finish some jobs hanging on your desk for a long time, think of every hurts and disappointment as an opportunity to learn forgiveness and let go, think of every turned down job interview as an opportunity to learn a little more about that skills and develop yourself, think of your loved ones demise as the reminder that no one will live forever and begin to make some value out of the transient moments of time.
- Associate yourself with sound-minded and care-free people: The moment you decide to resign into worry and improper exhibition of feelings of frustration, you attract people of like-minds who would gather around you at every opportunity to worry and lament on their situations. Remember, frustrations are part of life and worry will not solve a thing. Instead, try deep breathing exercise, relieve yourself of that stress, take a time out or do what works for you – which includes dancing, singing, eating(LOL) etc.
- Focus on how to improve the situation: The most effective way so far is, writing down your worries in a log and dealing with them one after the other. This will help you to focus on the situation and solutions instead of drooling at every opportunity
On a final note:
- Be respectful – If you have to work with someone you don’t get along with, then it’s time to set aside your pride and ego. Treat the person with courtesy and respect, as you would treat anyone else. Just because this person behaves in an unprofessional manner, that doesn’t mean you should as well.
- Be assertive – If the other person is rude and unprofessional, then firmly explain that you refuse to be treated that way, and calmly leave the situation. Remember, set the example.